I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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