Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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