so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
MIDGETS
????
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
