He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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