I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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