i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
smell my finger.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
