i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My brain says no but my pants say off.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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