I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
