Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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