Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize