I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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