Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
