Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
