Duck Duck Cougar?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
