Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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