your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
