Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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