Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
