he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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