Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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