...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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