She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
