I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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