just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
