no. you can't hotbox the world.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
