saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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