Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
