I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
