Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
