i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
