i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize