He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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