You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
