You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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