WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
