Umm I'm too high to move.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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