I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
