Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
