my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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