Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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