we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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