Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
