Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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