So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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