I hate your face
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
