Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
True strength comes from lack of pants
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
