Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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