when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
