great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
