Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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