new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
