you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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