I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
