Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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