No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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