Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
