you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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