There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
