it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
