Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
