My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
