I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
