This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
