good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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