just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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