need another drink. this is the easiest way
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
