Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
