Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
