i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
