My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize