My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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