i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
whose ass print is on the piano?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
