for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
