Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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