i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
