Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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