At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
