Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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