Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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