Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
