Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
