A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
