when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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