I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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