you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
