HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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