i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you inspire me to be a worse person
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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