I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
