How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
