I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
