oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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