it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
